First Run I Missed In My Plan

April 20th

Oops. I just couldn’t muster the energy today. My was tired, I worked, I have a final tomorrow. I just relaxed. It was only supposed to be a recovery run, so I believe cookies and cream ice cream totally counts here.

It isn’t the worst thing in the world, I have tomorrow an the rest of the week to crush my runs. Considering I was so tired the day before, perhaps this is a good thing to let my body recover a little more before I head out again.

I’ve been having weird flashes of reality lately. I get wrapped up in school, work, my book club, etc. Then I’ll have a moment where I think about going to a coffee shop to read or write, or just go check out a local store I like to grab some things for home. Then it hits me I can’t, and the reality of the situation comes back.

I’m stuck.

Mostly, I’m happy to be stuck. I had a bit too much on my plate before all this happened so the breather has been coincidentally nice for me. Overloading myself was my own doing though. I’ve had time to read about deeper things and some self-work. I’ll have time to focus on fitness and my studies with school. I’m not sure what is fair to say here.

It’s awful that the reason why I have all this cherished free time is because of such an atrocious virus swept the world. I feel guilty for enjoying my time while others are going through hell and back every day and other are losing family members. It’s devastating.

Is it ‘looking on the bright side’ or is it a disconnect to stay sane amidst all the sadness I feel for the world changing? I just feel guilty for being happy right now.

Guilty for feeling good.

Guilty for running while others can’t.

Guilty I have the luxury of working from home.

There have been a lot of posts on social media encouraging people to “take it as a blessing in disguise” and use to time to your advantage. There’s been a lot of backlash about saying that. Is that a silver lining approach or just plain ignorant about the suffering lives and economy around us?

There has got to be a better way to think of this and go about this. How can we stay sad and in remorse all the time though? I think I’m going to go crazy feeling guilty every time I open my social media accounts to see what is going on. I’m certainly not flaunting how great this situation is at all—I would much prefer everyone under the sun to be safe.

Am I completely insensitive here? How are you handling the situation?

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